The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
