yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
