Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
