it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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