remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
