it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
