I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
