And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?