just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We need to get me chipped asap
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
