I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
