singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
