she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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