I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
