I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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