just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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