boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
