This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
