im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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