Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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