dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
