Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
this is an emotional support booty call
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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