So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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