i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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