Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
