Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
