And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
