xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
