guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
