your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
