she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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