If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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