Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
