You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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