nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
