He disabled his match.com account in front of me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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