My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
