I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
