every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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