We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
