We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
