where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
