i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if i died would you start the facebook group?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
