I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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