At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
