I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
