dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
