I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
