I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
