you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
