Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
