Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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