whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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