did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
