I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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