Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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