Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
