After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
