I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
