I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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