you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
