I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
