so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
