He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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