dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
be right there i have to get my cape
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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