It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am available for nakedness
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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