It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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