You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just found puke in my bra..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
