is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
