did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
