walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
