Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
