I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
