Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
