Define "chronic" masturbator.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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