my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
