I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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