Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
