I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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