We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
