ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
